KBVS Radio at Oswald's
Transcript compiled by SSrustworthy and elecTRONrabbit
[CHIME]
[KBVS Announcer] You're listening to KBVS, broadcasting from the KBVS studios on Buena Vista Street!
[Piano underliner music starts]
[KBVS Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, hold on to your hats and glasses. It's time once again for another scintillating saga in the storied lives of those best friends and next-door neighbors, the two fellas who want a little peace and quiet, but just can't find it anywhere. It’s The Adventures of Hank and Wally!
[Piano underliner music ends]
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Speaking of now, it's time for today's episode of The Adventures of Hank and Wally: The Treasure of Sparrow Lake!
When we last left our reluctant heroes, they had just solved The Mystery of the Purloined Porker! In which they return Peter Pig to his grateful owner after the straying swine sauntered off and was pig-napped by a gang of mischievous schoolboys. Now, the less-than-daring duo is looking forward to a little R&R at Sparrow Lake, which is where we find them, sitting on a skiff fishing poles in hand.
[Wally] Nice day, hey Hank.
[Hank] Yeah, doesn’t get any better than this, Wally. Just us and the fish.
[Wally] Yup. Ya know, it looks like we're finally gonna get that quiet, uneventful day we’ve been anglin’ going on for, how long now, Hank?
[Hank] Three years, Wally, ever since we retired!
[Wally] [whispers in disbelief ‘get…’] You know, it’s just one thing after another, innit. You know, the lost dog, the missing hamster, the broken window. Oh oh, the stolen pig, and the cat burglar! Ha!
[Hank] Who would have guessed it really was a cat?
[Wally] I’m with you partner!
[Laughter]
[Hank] Oh, now this is the life, huh Wally?
[Wally] Yep, I can think of only one thing better old friend.
[Hank] What’s that?
[Wally] Sitting on the porch doing nothing but shootin’ the breeze.
[Hank] Let's do that tomorrow. [chuckle]
[Wally] Yeah, well, we'll just have to make sure the wives go shoppin’.
[Hank] Amen!
[Laughter]
[Wally] Hank! I think I got one!
[Hank] Give her some slack, Wally.
[Wally] I think it’s a big one, Hank! She ain’t tuggin. She just feels heavy.
[Hank] Heavy, huh? Oh well, be careful then. You don't want to break the line.
[Wally] This is so [big?] excitin’, Hank! I ain’t caught nothin’ in years! I-I feel, I feel so alive!
[Hank] Calm down there, partner! We haven’t reeled her in yet! Steady, steady! Okay, let's bring her in real gentle.
[Wally] She’s coming in Hank! I can feel her!
[Hank] Keep it steady. I'll get the net.
[Wally] Here she comes, Hank! You got the net?
[Hank] I got the net.
[Wally] Where’s the net?
[Hank] Here’s the net!
[Wally] Okay, okay big fish! Enter the net!
[Hank] Yeah, come into our world wide web.
[Wally] Heh?
[Hank] I’m just waxing poetic, Wally.
[Wally] How about you wax this fish?
[Hank] I’m ready. Here she comes, here she comes!
[ORGAN CHORD]
[KBVS Announcer] Has Wally hocked the big one? If so, is it even a fish? And how long will Hank keep waxing poetic? For the answers to these and other questions! Stay tuned!
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[Wally] Wait a minute, Hank. That's not a fish!
[Hank] Not unless fish have started looking like treasure chests.
[Both] Treasure chest?
[Wally] Quick, get that thing in here!
[Hank] What do you think it could be, Wally?
[Wally] My guess is, a treasure chest!
[Hank] I know that! What do you think could be in it?
[Wally] Oh, treasure!
[Hank] Exactly. Now all we need to do is figure out how to open it.
[HEART THUMPING]
[Wally] Uh, Hank, what's that sound?
[Hank] What do ya mean?
[Wally] That sound! I hear a, a thumping sound. I think it's coming from the chest.
[Hank] That's my chest. My heart is really beating hard right now.
[Wally] I think I also hear it coming from the treasure chest.
[Hank] Holy cow, I think you're right. What could it be?
[Wally] I think someone’s trying to get out!
[Hank] Doesn’t sound like that kind of thump. Sounds more like a heartbeat!
[Wally] Heartbeat! How can that be?
[Hank] I hope it’s not what I’m thinking.
[Wally] What’re you thinking?
[Hank] I read somewhere that there’s this pirate named Davy Jones.
[Wally] Davy Jones?
[Hank] Yes, Davy Jones. He wanted to live forever. So he cut out his own heart and put it in a chest.
[Wally] Wow, that's unpleasant!
[Hank] And that chest is called the Dead Man's chest.
[Wally] You don't think!
[Hank] Nah, couldn't be.
[Wally] W-W-What happens if we open the chest?
[Hank] I don't know, then again, that's an old pirate’s tale. People do not cut out their beating hearts and put them in treasure chests.
[Wally] Says who?
[Hank] Says… Oh for heaven's sake, Wally, that’s just not plausible!
[Wally] Then what’s causing that thumpin’ sound?
[Hank] That’s a great question, my good friend. There’s one thing to do.
[Wally] Throw the chest back in the lake.
[Hank] Right, throw the chest back in the… What!? Are you mad? We need to open it!
[Wally] Now that's mad! We don't know what's in there! Let’s pretend we never found it
[Hank] Wally, we are on the verge of a great discovery!
[Wally] What do you mean “we”? You're on the verge, buddy. I'm ready to swim back to shore.
[Hank] Wally, we have to open it together! We'll share whatever's inside. Because that's what friends do.
[Wally] Friends don't let friends get friends killed, if you ask me.
[Hank] Wally, Wally, my friend, Wally! What's the worst that could happen? The chest is empty. Big deal. But what if there are untold riches inside? Gold, pearls, doubloons!
[Wally] Doubl-what?
[Hank] Doubloons! They’re a gold coin that used to be legal tender in Spain and were coveted by pirates.
[Wally] What would they be doing in a treasure chest in a lake in Southern California?
[Hank] I don't know, Wally, but it sure would make us rich.
[Wally] Well we’re already rich, Hank!
[Hank] What?
[Wally] Our friendship is rich.
[Hank] Aww, that's so nice, Wally. Now help me open this!
[Wally] I dunno Hank, don't you think we should wait until we get back to land?
[Hank] What does it matter?
[Wally] Well, just in case something goes wrong! I mean, we could already hear a thumping noise inside. Shouldn’t that be some kind of a warning sign?
[Hank] Wally, there's nothing to worry about! What could possibly go wrong?
[Wally] Well let’s see… treasure chest in a Southern California lake, that is covered in skull and crossbones, probably belongs to the pirates, has a thumping noise coming out of it. I don't know, you tell me what could go wrong!
[Hank] That’s the beauty of it. Nothing. We're out here in the middle of a lake, all by ourselves. No one sees us. No one can steal this from us. Now all we have to do is figure out how to open it!
[Wally] I gotta bad feeling about this.
[Hank] Maybe it's this latch… It’s opening!
[Wally] …on its own!
[ORGAN]
[KBVS Announcer] What is in the treasure chest that Hank and Wally have found in Sparrow Lake? Is it a fortune beyond their wildest dreams? Is it the beating heart of Davy Jones? Or is it an empty box that will become a jewelry chest for Hank’s wife come Christmas? For the answer to these and other questions, tune in tomorrow for another episode of The Adventures of Hank and Wally!
[CHIME]
[KBVS Announcer] Next on KBVS is the FF&P Classical Music Hour!
But first, ladies, would you like to spend less time cleaning, cooking, and washing and more time listening to your favorite shows on the radio? Of course you would!
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As you know, we not only like to educate you about our latest products, but inform you of special deals you can only get by listening to this station. Today, we're featuring the Water Whiz electric washer!
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And now, KBVS is proud to present the FF&P Classical Music Hour! Our daily 20-minute show. Devoted to the finest orchestrations of classical music, performed live in Studio 23 at the KBVS studios.
The FF&P Classical Music Hour is sponsored by the Fiddler, Fifer, and Practical Café. The FF&P Café has a complete menu for breakfast, lunch and dinner. If you're looking for a great deal on a square meal, or just a great cup of coffee, Dottie, Dolly and Ethel, the great gals who run the café, would love to see you! Veterans of the entertainment circuit themselves, they are proud to sponsor the classical music hour. Now, without further ado, here is your host, Montgomery Morgan!
[Montgomery Morgan] Good day and welcome to the FF&P Classical Music Hour. I'm your host, Montgomery Morgan. Today, we are honored to have in our studio several titans of the music world who will be performing live for your pleasure, a composition that has already been recognized as a classic of American orchestral music. But first, while our musicians are warming up and tuning their instruments, I'd like to play for you a piece of music that will serve to get us in the mood for a live concert performance.
We begin our show with a composition that may be very familiar to many of our listeners. It's music that tells a story, a very old story. One that goes back almost 2000 years. It's a tale about a sorcerer who has an apprentice, and the bit of a mess and to which that apprentice manages to get himself. So relax, turn off all your appliances, and enjoy the Sorcerer's Apprentice by Paul Dukas.
[SONG: Sorcerer's Apprentice (Paul Dukas) - Leopold Stokowski with the Philadelphia Orchestra - Fantasia OST (1940)]
[KBVS Announcer] We’ll return to the FF&P Classical Music hour on KBVS in just a moment.
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And now we’ll return to the FF&P Classical Music Hour here on KBVS.
[Montgomery Morgan] For our next performance, ladies and gentlemen, we are pleased to welcome to our concert hall on the other side of the glass here at Studio 23 at the KBVS Studios, Mr. Paul Whiteman, leader of the world-renowned musical ensemble, Paul Whiteman and his Orchestra. He is joined by pianist and composer, Mr. George Gershwin. And, Mr. Nathaniel Shilkret will be performing the clarinet solo during today's concert.
Gentlemen, welcome. We will be hearing from you in just a moment. First, I'd like to provide a brief introduction to this piece. This work was commissioned by Mr. Whiteman in 1923. Mr. Whiteman had just completed a well-received concert program combining experimental elements of jazz and classical music on November 1st, 1923, at the Aeolian Hall in New York City.
Encouraged by the success of his musicale, Mr. Whiteman planned an additional concert entitled, “An Experiment in Modern Music”, to be performed on February 12th, 1924, also at the Aeolian Hall.
Mr. Whiteman contacted Mr. Gershwin and asked him to record a piece for this concert program. Mr. Gershwin accepted the challenge and wrote the composition that follows in a mere five weeks with Mr. Ferde Grofé from Mr. Whiteman’s orchestra providing the orchestration. Gentlemen, do I have that right?
I am seeing nods from Messrs. Whiteman and Gershwin, which would seem to confirm this version of events.
This piece created an immediate sensation in the music world, and, in just a few short years, it has been hailed and celebrated as a modern classic. Today we are pleased to present the original composer, arranger, and artists performing this piece live, especially for our KBVS listeners. Ladies and gentlemen, here are Paul Whiteman and his orchestra, with George Gershwin on piano, and Nathaniel Shilkret on clarinet, performing exclusively for our KBVS listening audience, Rhapsody in Blue.
[An American in Paris - Victor Symphony Orchestra / Nathaniel Shilkret / George Gershwin]
[…You read that right; it is awkwardly not Rhapsody in Blue]
Gentlemen, bravissimo. I trust that all of you listening at home on your radios have joined me in a standing ovation for this performance of Rhapsody in Blue. This performance was by Paul Whiteman and his Orchestra, with George Gershwin on piano, and Nathaniel Shilkret on clarinet, and it was broadcast live from Studio 23 here at the KBVS studios. Thanks to our special guests. And we invite you, our listeners, to join us again tomorrow for another edition of the FF&P Classical Music Hour. Thank you, good day, and good listening.
[CHIME]
You’ve been listening to the FF&P Classical Music Hour on KBVS, broadcasting live from our studios here on Buena Vista Street. In a moment, the news on KBVS.
But before we get to the news, we have great news for housewives throughout the country! The Kitchen Care Corporation of America is pleased to announce our latest breakthrough in time saving appliances for your home: the EZ Sweep Non-Electric Vacuum Cleaner! There’s nothing hard to understand about EZ Sweep, it actually makes cleaning a pleasure! The moment you begin to push it across the floor, the fan creates a miniature whirlwind that loosens and draws, by powerful suction, all the dust, dirt, crumbs, lint, threads, and small bits of paper up into the bag! The secret is the scientifically designed gear-driven revolving brush of the highest quality bristles. At the Kitchen Care Corporation, we do the work, not you!
It’s time now to catch up on all the news in our neighborhood, and for that, we turn to Mr. Norman Sinclair, reading to us the news of the day.
[Norman Sinclair] A hale and hearty hello to our listeners. Here’s the news as it’s happening today.
A fire late last night claimed the Seward Street warehouse. Damages to the facility and its contents have been estimated at $500. A pallet of empty lighter fluid cans and a torch were found outside the charred edifice. But fire officials caution us about jumping to any conclusions about how the blaze started. The warehouse, which claimed in its advertising to be, quote, “secure and fireproof”, was judged a total loss.
Speaking of damage, a pair of pesky chipmunks has been blamed for a local power outage that doused the lights for 150 homes. The furry rodents had apparently been storing their acorns atop a transformer, when several of the nuts (the acorns, not the chipmunks) fell into the mechanism! The resulting short in the wires started a small fire that was quickly extinguished by volunteer firemen. Local residents heard chatter after the incident that they characterized as an argument between the two chipmunks over who caused the accident. “I know that sounds far-fetched,” said a neighbor, “but you don’t know these chipmunks! Just the other day I saw them throwing acorns at a duck. It was the strangest thing!”
Several months ago, we reported the start of the Bunion Derby, right here on Buena Vista Street. Well, the 3,400 mile foot race ended in New York City today, with Jack ‘the rabbit’ Hannah crossing the finish line first. The race started more than 90 days ago, with 241 contestants. In the end, 55 runners managed to limp to the finish line at Madison Square Garden.
Flagpole sitting has become all the rage here in Los Angeles. This week, no less than two dozen sitters, four of them girls, are currently perched atop poles. The madness was started by Scooter Wilson. The 18-year-old set up an 18-foot pole in his backyard last week, and stayed there 7 days, 7 hours, 7 minutes and 7 seconds. Said Scooter, “Seven is my lucky number.”
Speaking of endurance, Ruthie Tompson [Fun Fact: Disney legend!] has done it again. This time, pairing with Bobby Pete of Silver Lake, she outlasted 174 other couples to win the Holly Park Dance Marathon. When asked how she managed to stay sprightly and on her feet for nearly three weeks, the long-legged lass said she soaked her feet in Brine & Vinegar for two weeks prior to the marathon. She said she learned this technique in her native Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. This was Miss Tompson’s 11th victory, all with different partners. Mr. Pete, by the way, was unconscious and thus unavailable for comment.
The Hoboken Joes of New Jersey are in town for a series of exhibition games against the Buena Vista Street Stars. The barnstorming baseballers from back east will tangle with our dazzling stars Saturday afternoon at Medfield Park, and Sunday afternoon at Gilmore Field, provided the ball fields are available. Tickets can be purchased at the Chamber of Commerce, or at each of the fields, on game day.
Finally, we have a correction to a weather forecast we made during one of yesterday’s news breaks. At that time, we said the daily high on Buena Vista Street would be in the 20s with a chance of snow flurries overnight. Heh. Actually, that forecast was for Denver, Colorado, not Buena Vista Street. As all of us who live here know, it never snows in Southern California. We apologize for the mixup. Hoping all your days are sunny, this is Norman Sinclair, signing off for KBVS News.
[CHIME]
[KBVS Announcer] Programming on KBVS will continue in a moment.
But first, we must tell you that the highest quality of the greatest value is what’s in store for you at Los Feliz Five and Dime, family-owned for twenty years! Here are just some of the savings available to you this week in our store at 2628 Buena Vista Street!
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For these and other great values, head down to Los Feliz Five and Dime! 2628 Buena Vista Street, right next to the Chamber of Commerce. Serving your shopping needs since 1909, family-owned Los Feliz Five and Dime!
And now the Metropolitan Broadcasting System and its affiliated stations, including KBVS on Buena Vista Street, present the Flower Street Players, on the air, in “Scary Symphony.”
[Scary Symphony Narrator] Greetings, ladies and gentlemen! From the Top-Top Club high in the Hollywood Tower Hotel, we are pleased to bring you the music of the Anthony Fremont Orchestra! Tonight, we have a new arrangement and adaptation of Sir Edward Elgar’s Pomp and Circumstance March Number One! Take it away, boys!
[5 Military Marches, Op. 39, "Pomp and Circumstance": 1 in D Major - Symphony Orchestra - Elgar Conducts Elgar (1914 - 1925)] **
** This track is interrupted in the radio broadcast at the 1:41 mark in the source track.
[static]
[Scary Symphony Narrator] Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of modern music to bring you a special news bulletin from the North American news agency.
Moments ago, witnesses reported seeing glowing lights emanating from Meadow Grove Cemetery. We have dispatched a special mobile unit to the scene, and we will have an eye-witness word description from our reporter Ben Blakely, as soon as he reaches the cemetery from our studios. Until then please continue to enjoy the melodic merriment of the Anthony Fremont orchestra.
[5 Military Marches, Op. 39, "Pomp and Circumstance": 1 in D Major - Symphony Orchestra - Elgar Conducts Elgar (1914 - 1925)]
[static]
[Scary Symphony Narrator] Ladies and gentlemen, we again interrupt our program of modern music to bring you this update on the bulletin we reported moments ago. We now take you live to meadow grove cemetery and our man on the scene, Ben Blakely.
[Ben Blakely] Ladies and gentlemen, I wish we could broadcast images over our airwaves, because words will not do this scene justice. But I will do my best to convey the background and atmosphere that surrounds what is shaping up to be a truly extraordinary event.
I am outside the gates of Meadow Grove Cemetery. Hundreds, maybe even thousands of people have gathered here for what, well we're not quite sure yet. Right now, the only thing we can see from inside the cemetery is the glow of lights, but there is a sense of anticipation among the crowd. I'd even call it excitement that something big is about to happen! The feeling is palpable.
Police are trying to rope off an area around the entrance to the cemetery, but there are just so many people trying to see what's going on that their efforts are futile. I see a fire engine with a ladder, and firemen are attempting to climb it. I can only guess that they're trying to see over the brick walls of this old cemetery. As far as I can tell, the gates to the cemetery are locked and no one has been able to get in.
Wait a minute, I see a police officer close at hand. I'm going to try to move through this mass of humanity and ask him a few questions.
Officer! Officer? Officer!
[Officer Dean Foote] Yeah!
[Ben Blakely] Ben Blakely with the North American News Agency. Can you please identify yourself and tell our listeners what you know about the events that are unfolding here tonight?
[Officer Dean Foote] My name is Officer Dean Foote.
[Ben Blakely] Officer please, for the benefit of our listeners, tell us what is going on here tonight.
[Officer Dean Foote] At this point Mr. Blakely, there's not much I can say. We received a report of an unidentified glowing light coming from inside Meadow Grove Cemetery, must’ve been uh, 20 minutes ago now.
[Ben Blakely] And uh, when did you get here Mr. Foote?
[Officer Dean Foote] Well I got here just as fast as I could, there was already hundreds of citizens here. We cleared a path to the main entrance gates, but they was locked, and well shortly after that, the crowd just kinda overwhelmed us as you see. I'm just trying to keep some order until the general manager gets here.
[Ben Blakely] The general manager?
[Officer Dean Foote] Well we tried to call out to the ground superintendent, he lives on the premises you know.
[Ben Blakely] Ah.
[Officer Dean Foote] ..but he didn't answer.
[Ben Blakely] Well, what's happened to him?
[Officer Dean Foote] We don't know! He lives in that shack over there. You can see it through the fence, but everything's dark. Not a peep.
[Ben Blakely] So you've telephoned the general manager?
[Officer Dean Foote] That's correct Mr. Blakely. We've placed a call to Mr. Ned Washburn, the general manager. He's on route to this location with a set of keys as we speak. We expect his arrival at any moment.
[Ben Blakely] I see. Officer Foote, I notice that the fire department is here with ladders. Why don't they just climb the walls? Why do you need to wait for the key to the front gate?
[Officer Dean Foote] We do not believe the situation calls for immediate intervention. The decision has been made by our superiors to control the perimeter, and monitor through casual observation, any and all incidences occurring within the wall and the gates of the facility. Our first priority is the safety and well-being of the hundreds of citizens on this side of the wall.
[Ben Blakely] Yes sir.
[Officer Dean Foote] Until Mr. Washburn makes his presence known at this location, we will continue to assess the situation and take appropriate measures.
[Ben Blakely] Well then Officer Foote, do you personally have any idea what's going on in there?
[Officer Dean Foote] I would hate to speculate at this juncture, Mr. Blakely.
[Ben Blakely] Hmm.
[Officer Dean Foote] As I’ve said we have no information about what is going on inside the cemetery, nor have we made contact with anyone associated with the cemetery.
[Ben Blakely] I see.
[Officer Dean Foote] We will know more when Mr. Washburn arrives with the keys and we're able to gain entrance to the grounds. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have my duties to perform.
[Ben Blakely] Of course, Officer. Ladies and gentlemen, the mystery deepens. To review, I'm here with a crowd that numbers in the hundreds, perhaps thousands, and it is growing larger every moment. There are strange lights emanating from within the meadow grove cemetery, and while we wait for Ned Washburn, the general manager of the cemetery, to arrive to unlock the gates of this facility, rumors are swirling among the gathered. Let's find out from the citizens themselves what they have heard.
Excuse me Ma’am, Ben Blakely with North American News Agency.
[Hazel Smith] Uh, what? Yes sir?
[Ben Blakely] Ma’am, may I have a word with you?
[Hazel Smith] Alright, certainly.
[Ben Blakely] Please, tell us your name and where you live.
[Hazel Smith] Okay my name is Hazel Smith, and I live at 1229 Lyric Lane.
[Ben Blakely] Now, miss Smith –
[Hazel Smith] Oh no no, that’s Mrs. Smith, I’ll have you know my young man.
[Ben Blakely] I’m sorry, Mrs. Smith.
[Hazel Smith] Thank you.
[Ben Blakely] Now, rumors are racing through the crowd about what is going on in the cemetery. What have you heard?
[Hazel Smith] Well Mr. Blakely, I'm no gossip I'll have you know, but I’ve heard… [whispers] Come closer!
[Ben Blakely] Yes, Mrs. Smith?
[Hazel Smith] [whispers] Closer!
[Ben Blakely] Yes, Mrs. Smith?
[Hazel Smith] [whispers] Closer!
[Ben Blakely] I’m as close as I can get, Mrs. Smith.
[Hazel Smith] I’ve heard there's a –
[Ben Blakely] Yes…
[Hazel Smith] [shouting] There’s a coven of witches in there and they're conducting some sort of ancient ritual!
[Ben Blakely] Uh huh.
[Hazel Smith] It has to be an initiation ceremony. I just know it!
[Wilbur Smith] Ah don't listen to that woman, she's off her rocker!
[Hazel Smith] Ah! You have some nerve saying things like that about a woman!
[Wilbur Smith] You're not a woman, you're my wife!
[Ben Blakely] Okay, okay --
[Wilbur Smith] That woman's just plain batty, I tell you!
[Hazel Smith] gasps
[Ben Blakely] So, what do you think is going on here, Mr. --
[Wilbur Smith] Smith! Wilbur Smith! You’ve met my wife Hazel, have you?
[Hazel Smith] How do you do?
[Ben Blakely] Yes, hello, I have.
[Wilbur Smith] So you know she’s crazy then?
[Hazel Smith] gasps
[Ben Blakely] Well, I wouldn’t go so far as to s--
[Wilbur Smith] I mean, we’d all like to believe it’s some supernatural occurrence. Aliens martians, oh you know some nonsense like that. My guess is, just some fraternity boys hazing their new pledges!
[Oliver Winston III] Well if that’s the case, how come we got such a crowd here?
[Ben Blakely] Hmm!
[Oliver Winston III] There’s got to be more to it than that! We were all lured here for a reason.
[Ben Blakely] And you are?
[Oliver Winston III] Oliver Winston.
[Ben Blakely] Okay, Mr. Winston.
[Oliver Winston III] The third.
[Ben Blakely] All right, Mr. Winston the third. What is your angle on the situation?
[Oliver Winston III] We're all going to die. [crying]
[Ben Blakely] All right then! Thank you very much Mr. Winston the third.
[Oliver Winston III] Mark my words, this is the beginning of the end!
[Ben Blakely] [laughs]
[Oliver Winston III] The dead are rising from their graves!
[Ben Blakely] The stories are growing more outlandish by the minute here at Meadow Grove Cemetery as we await the arrival of the general manager, Ned Washburn.
[Oliver Winston III] They've been summoned to take over the world. We will become their slaves!
[Ben Blakely] Well as you can hear, hysteria is beginning to grip this crowd and Ned Washburn, general manager of the cemetery has just arrived. The crowd is surging toward the gates. I'm going to try to work my way to the front of the crowd –
[Officer Dean Foote] Okay Okay, give him some room, Alright, give the man some room!
[Ben Blakely] Officer Foote, may I have a few words with Mr. Washburn?
[Officer Dean Foote] Why, Mr. Blakely! Good to see you again. Mr. Washburn, care to say a few words to this reporter from the North American News Agency?
[Ned Washburn] I don't know what all the fuss is about, this just happens from time to time and usually no one notices.
[Ben Blakely] Sir, what are you talking about?
[Ned Washburn] Blankly, is it?
[Ben Blakely] Blakely, sir. Mr Ben Blakely.
[Ned Washburn] Well Mr. Blakely. Thank you for coming, but there's nothing to be alarmed about!
[Ben Blakely] But the mysterious lights? And the music? And the police and the firemen and the crowds of people?
[Ned Washburn] Eh like I said, this just occurs about every full moon, and we've never had a commotion as we've had tonight. Even on Halloween,
[Ben Blakely] Hmm
[Ned Washburn] It’s never been this bad.
[Ben Blakely] What do you mean?
[Ned Washburn] Well if you must know, if all of you must know, let me just open the gates and you'll see for yourselves.
[Clanging]
[Ned Washburn] Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: The Skeleton Dance!
[The Skeleton Dance – music from the Silly Symphonies cartoon]
[Ben Blakely] Words cannot begin to describe the scene here at Meadow Grove Cemetery. We, the gathered masses, are watching skeletons seemingly risen from their graves, dancing and cavorting across the cemetery lawn.
[Walt Disney] Well, this is all so very interesting!
[Ben Blakely] Sir, you seem to have summed up the reaction of this entire assemblage.
[Walt Disney] You know, I might be able to make something of this.
[Ben Blakely] What do you mean?
[Walt Disney] Never you mind.
[Ben Blakely] Well, can you at least tell us your name?
[Walt Disney] Walter. Walter Disney.
[Chimes]
[KBVS Announcer] You’re listening to radio station KBVS. And you've just heard a presentation of the Flower Street Players’ production, Scary Symphony. In a moment, the Teddy Morton Show.
But first, man, Teddy Morton is about to set your toes to tappin’ with the keenest hits in the country. When the music starts, you’ll want to get up, grab your gal, and head for the nearest dance floor. But to do that, you’ll have to look the part and Elias & Company is here to help! With slacks, shirts, shoes, and accessories that will make you the man about town. We offer scientifically constructed silk lined ties and hand-tailored silk ties. As well as silk foulards and butterfly bowties. All at a price that won’t put you in the poor house! Also, stop in and see our full collection of cufflinks, collar pins and collar button sets!
Clothes make the man, and Elias & Company makes the clothes! We’re open seven days a week with late hours most nights. Elias & Company, in Carthay Circle!
And now, KBVS is pleased to present for your listening pleasure, the Teddy Morton show! With your host, Teddy Morton!
[Teddy Morton] Hey, all you Sheikhs and Shibas! It’s time for the Teddy Morton Show, with me, Teddy Morton! I’ll be playing you all the modern jazz songs being performed on college campuses across this great nation! Later in the show, I’ll be spinning a brand new song that’s so good, I know it’ll be lighting up the switchboard at KBVS.
But right now, let’s get our dogs dancing, shall we? Here’s one that’ll have you cuttin’ the rug with your partner, it’s The Charleston!
[SONG: Charleston - Paul Whiteman]
[Teddy Morton] Welcome to the Teddy Morton show! My name is Teddy Morton. During our show today we’ll have a little humor, hear a little music, do a little dancing, and get to know a little girl I knew called Susie.
[SONG: If You Knew Susie - Eddie Cantor]
[Teddy Morton] That was Mr. Eddie Cantor with “If You Knew Susie, Like I Knew Susie! You’re listening to the Teddy Morton Show, and we’re broadcasting from the studios of KBVS on Buena Vista Street. I know that you’ve tuned in to hear the jazziest discs of today, and you know the Teddy Morton show is the real McCoy. So let’s get back to the swell songs.
[SONG: Yes Sir! That's My Baby - Lee Morse]
[Teddy Morton] Lee Morse is quite the canary, isn’t she? Gene Austin is a good friend of the Teddy Morton show, and I’m sure he’d declare, Ain’t She Sweet!
[SONG: Ain't She Sweet - Gene Austin]
[Teddy Morton] I’m Teddy Morton, and this is the Teddy Morton show! We’re featuring the keenest recordings that you kids are grooving to at college campuses all across this great nation! But when you go to one of those colleges, do me a favor will ya, hepcats? Don’t spoil it. Don’t bring Lulu!
[SONG: Don't Bring Lulu - Nathan Glantz & His Orchestra]
[Teddy Morton] This is the Teddy Morton show! And me? I’m Teddy Morton! All the platters we spin on this show are the bee’s knees, and that’s not just a line! Coming up, a brand new song that’ll have you singing “Yoo Hoo!” And now, the song that asks the immortal question, “Ain’t We Got Fun!”
[SONG: Ain't We Got Fun - Van & Schenk]
[Teddy Morton] We like to have our own little fun here at the Teddy Morton Show, and we do this every day with a little segment we call Campus Humor Time. This is the part of the show where we tell you jokes being heard at colleges across the nation. Here's our fun-lovin’ trio, Will Simpson, Ham Chesterton, and Grace Whaley!
[Will Simpson] Hey, hey ya. will you lend me $5 for a month, old boy?
[Ham Chesterton] Listen Will, what’s a month-old boy want with $5?
[laughter]
[Ham Chesterton] Grace, what’s your brother like?
[Grace Whaley] Wine, women, and song.
[laughter]
[Will Simpson] Grace, Ham’s been jilted by a street cleaner’s daughter.
[Ham Chesterton] Indeed I have!
[Grace] Well, why don’t you just sue her?
[drumbeat]
[Grace] Gents, I will tell you the score of this game before it starts!
[male voice] You cannot!
[Grace] I sure can!
[male voice] Well, then what is it?
[Grace] Nothing to nothing!
[laughter]
[male voice] Hey Grace, I’m doing my homework.
[Grace] Oh, something different, huh?
[male voice] Very funny! Anyway, I need your help. Can you tell me the name of a famous German philosopher.
[Grace] Kant.
[male voice] Why not?
[Grace] Cause I just did!
[laughter]
[Grace] Ham, do you consider my legs long?
[Ham] Every chance I get!
[Drumbeat]
[Ham] So, Will, tell me about your Sophomore year.
[Will] It was the best 4 years of my life!
[Teddy Morton] That was Will Simpson, Ham Chesterton, and Grace Whaley bringing us the belly laughs. They'll be back tomorrow with more campus humor on the Teddy Morton Show.
While we're on the subject of college, here's one from a gent who’s definitely a big man on any campus. It's Rudy Vallee!
[SONG: Betty Co-Ed – Rudy Vallee]
[Teddy Morton] I’m Teddy Morton, and this is the Teddy Morton Show on radio station KBVS! We won’t give you the runaround here, no sirree. No baloney, no banana oil, no horse feathers, but plenty of ice cream!
[SONG: I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Ice Cream - Fred Waring & His Pennsylvanians]
[Teddy Morton] You’re with Teddy Morton on the Teddy Morton Show! Broadcasting from the studios of radio station KBVS. Coming up, a new song for all you cats and kittens. But first, here’s a tune that really is the cat’s meow, and so is the guy who sings it!
[SONG: Betty Co-Ed - Rudy Vallee]
[Teddy Morton] And now a Teddy Morton show exclusive. This platter is just off the press. It’s so hot, the wax is still wet. It’s so fresh, it should be slapped! It’s a song about two absolutely lovable mice. Yeah, mice! And it comes to us from the Disney Brothers Studio!
[SONG: Minnie's Yoo Hoo! - Walt Disney & Carl Stalling]
[Teddy Morton] That song just makes me want to yell YOO HOO! I'm sure we'll be hearing more of that song, and especially the characters in it. I predict big things for those cute little mice. And now, we're going to end things today with one of the biggest discs in the nation! Thanks for joining me today. This is Teddy Morton, and this has been The Teddy Morton Show on radio station KBVS, signing off with a record for all you flappers out there!
[SONG: Five Foot Two, Eyes of Blue - Art Landry & His Orchestra]